laughingwolf_qh33q8 – Page 81

Uh Oh

Yesterday, I think I missed the boat even though I saw the lights. In writing about Darya Dugina, I spent too much time covering all the possibilities for who wanted her dead, and missed a couple of signs of what was to come. Between the time I wrote that in the morning, and got up this morning, a LOT has been made clear. In fact, I should have caught one thing earlier in terms of the lauding of her.

Her murder came via the FSB and the Putin camp. Of that much I am fully convinced. Putin needs something to rally the people, to overcome the reluctance (and even possible mutinies in the armed forces) to mobilize more fully if not fully to deal with the Ukraine. A pretext for that and/or crackdowns in Russia.

Ms. Dugina had become problematic in terms of her presentations to the West, discussions in public of what she would do if she was the defense minister versus her cynical reversals in private, and even attempts to usurp her father. Neither are the close Putin allies they portrayed themselves as being, as I noted yesterday that is a thing of the West, not Russia.

While I’m not quite (yet) prepared to agree fully with Kamil Galeev’s take on the matter, he makes some good points. One not raised directly is that the Kremlin was ready to roll with the propaganda even before the smoke cleared. That means advanced planning, which means she was sacrificed. Think the maskirova of the children in Tom Clancy’s Red Storm Rising.

Almost immediately a senior leader in occupied territory extolled her as a true Russian. That led to a chorus of praise for a person who, in practical terms was a nobody even if a “golden child.” You can look them up (here’s a start and here’s more on her rapid memorial service and praise), but it amounts to equating her to be a personification of the Rodina, of Russia. The maiden who was murdered by a foul fallen woman of the cowardly enemy who fled immediately. The maiden who serves as the modern Russian version of the medieval dame belle sans reproach. Or, a sacrifice that rather eerily is foreshadowed by this article by her father (in Russian here), the maiden who mourns her virginity as she dies before she can give birth. In this case, to children for the Rodina, is how I expect to see it played. I have to wonder if this was what gave Putin/FSB the idea for dealing with her.

She was no maiden. She was no innocent. She was at best cynically manipulative and didn’t care who died so long as she could advance towards power and wealth. For all that she was problematic, she was nobody in the true circles of power which means her sacrifice will not create powerful enemies. As for her father, this will bring him further to heel and the fact that he could have died (and those behind the assassination would not have objected to that at all) is a point that is not lost on him. One wonders why he switched cars at the last minute: was it luck or does he have a further role to play?

Why now?

Ukraine’s independence day is this week. U.S. Citizens were already being urged to leave the Ukraine ahead of the day as it was anticipated that Russia would engage in attacks on civilians/civilian infrastructure. Given what is coming out of Moscow in regards revenge for the death of the martyr, I’m thinking the barbarity shown to civilians before is nothing in comparison to what is to come. The only question I have is if it will now be the main thrust since purely military operations are not going well (pretty badly in fact).

Which leads to the longer-term questions: will her death be used for internal crackdown, for fuller or full mobilization to deal with the threat, or both? Right now, based on what I am seeing/hearing, I suspect both. Dugina had called in public for more troops and to quit messing around. Her death gives Putin et cie the perfect excuse to do that, and to whip the public up in support (and to crush those who refuse). For who will stand against Putin honoring her “dying” wish to expand the war and achieve victory?

The only fly-in-the-ointment is that within Russia she is such a complete non-entity. For all her efforts to unite various non-Kremlin factions, she’s not well known and then mostly because of being her father’s daughter. If they can turn her into the epitome of the ultimate Russian martyr, the maiden who died for Russia, then I expect to see full mobilization and a truly impressive crackdown. If they can’t pull that off, but public sentiment remains charged, expect to see a limited mobilization. In either event, expect to see brutality against civilians in the Ukraine on a scale unimaginable to many in the West.

More thoughts soon.

SOME PREVIOUS POSTS:

Nuclear 201 Posts In Order

Nuclear 201: Some History

Nuclear 101 Posts In Order:

Nuclear What?

Nuclear 101: Weapons

Nuclear 101: Delivery

Nuclear 101: Now What?

Nuclear 101: Targeting

Nuclear 101: Scenarios

Nuclear 101: Survival

Some Quick Thoughts

*****

Russia/Ukraine Posts:

Vladimir And The Ukraine

Answers, Ramblings, And A Bit More On Vladimir And The Ukraine

Your Must Read For The Day On Russia

The Puzzles In Play, And The Missing Pieces

Quick Thoughts On Ukraine/Putin

The Thing Behind The Curtain

Missing Pieces And Surprise Pieces

Accuracy, Reliability, And More

Putin, Trump, And The Coming Storm

Three Futures For Russia

Quick Thoughts

Saturday Update

Mismatched Locomotives

War, Ag, Demographics, And The Worst Is Yet To Come

Past, Present, And A Hungry Future

Huge Grain Of Salt

The Moskva

Retribution Inbound

Uncertainty And Preparation

Honest Question

Monday Morning Quick Brief

War Of The Memes

A Little Free Ice Cream

Rumors Of War

Three Times Is…

If It’s Wednesday, This Must Be Moldova

Going Nuclear

How To Spy On The Russians

Here’s Hoping I’m Wrong

Pins And Needles Time

Mock Away

Intel Wars

The Revenge Of HUMINT

A Funny Thing Happened

Rumors of Rumors

Ukraine, Uvalde, Oh My

Very Interesting

A Quick Russia/Ukraine Update

Russia/Ukraine/Lithuania

Hmmmm

Hmmmm Follow-Up

Ukraine/Russia Tidbit

If You Think

Couple Of Quick Thoughts

*****

If you would like to help me in my recovery efforts, feel free to hit the tip jar in the upper right or the fundraiser at A New Life on GiveSendGo. Getting hit by lightning is not fun, and it is thanks to your gifts and prayers that I am still going. Thank you.

Nuclear 201: Some History

Welcome to the first entry of the Nuclear 201 series. While this is still a high-level approach to learning about nuclear war and related issues, it’s time to take a bit more detailed look at some of the issues. In fact, if anyone out there is interested in contributing a guest post on a relevant topic, drop me an e-mail at the address in the upper right. If some things work out, hope to have at least a couple, if not more, guest posts and/or related.

To understand where we are requires some history. The thing is, the history of the nuclear age is fascinating and there are many, many rabbit holes down which we could dive. There are tales of brilliance, stupidity, treachery, and honor. Some are humorous if terrifying, such as scientists and engineers placing bets on if a certain bomb was going to involve the atmosphere in its reaction and reduce the Earth to a cinder — even as the detonation countdown was underway.

While Einstein’s famous equation E=MC2 (squared) started the ball rolling, it wasn’t until the 1930s that people got serious about the idea of nuclear power and nuclear explosives. It really was the fact that Nazi Germany was looking into things that spurred the U.S. into pursuing its own research after the famous Einstein letter (which he signed but did not write) of 1939.

The history of this period is complex and fascinating. There were competing theories on how to achieve various milestones, and each group seemingly went its own way. Germany decided on one approach that required heavy water, and the successful effort by the Norwegian underground to deny them what they needed may well have kept them from being first with a bomb. I wish I could remember the name of the book I read on the Norwegian effort that I found excellent, and there was another on the German nuclear program that was accurate and entertaining. Stupid lightning. Trust me, reading up on these efforts, as well as the work of the Four Hungarians of the Apocalypse on the Manhattan Project is well worth your time.

For our Nuclear 201 purposes, one bit of important history is that the Manhattan Project (and quite possibly the Nazi project) were penetrated by the Soviets pretty much from the start. No, the Rosenbergs were not the be-all and end-all of nuclear espionage. Again, several good books out there (beware some recent revisionist histories). Net result was that Stalin was not surprised when Truman revealed The Bomb to him as he was fully briefed and pushing a secret effort of his own to catch up using the info coming in from the various moles in the program.

In the brief window of time where the U.S. was the sole nuclear power on Earth, there were some who thought that status could be made to last forever; some others who thought it could be made to last for years if not decades; and, a few who pointed out that it wouldn’t last long. Since some of their spiritual descendants are active today, let’s take a very quick look at the major schools of thought.

First, there were those who felt that for anyone to develop The Bomb they would have to go through the entire Manhattan Project (or Nazi counterpart) to do so. Even if they did get a few nuclear secrets, the steps had to be repeated and those efforts, especially the need for high-speed centrifuges, would be easily detectable. Warn the country, and if not heeded, take out the project with either conventional or nuclear weapons.

Second, there were those who said that most of the project could be skipped with the right knowledge. Or espionage. This would save years of effort, and the key signs would be the centrifuges and other large-scale activities that would be hard to hide.

Finally, there were those who said the entire project could be skipped since the knowledge was out there, and what couldn’t be stolen could be worked out by smart people. Again, it was the centrifuges and other large-scale efforts that would be the clue that Country X was working on The Bomb.

Then the Soviet’s exploded their first bomb and put to rest the idea that the U.S. would remain the sole nuclear power for any length of time. They also sort of proved the last group right in the process. And thus the nuclear arms race was born.

In some respects, what happened is proof of the Toddler Laws school of thought. Who had the largest? Who had the most unique? Who could make the smallest? Who had the most advanced design? The race was on and both the U.S. and the Soviet Union sought to out do the other in every possible aspect. So much so, that at one point it is believed that the Soviet Union had more than 40,000 nuclear weapons. The U.S. was reported to have a few itself. Great Britain and France appear to have felt that a few hundred each was more reasonable. Maybe.

Now, as this was going on, a number of people questioned what was going on, and eventually various treaties were negotiated to reign things in a bit. This is a decent list of those treaties by year. We could talk for months, if not years, just about the treaties (much like the history of the original projects), but I will for now leave it up to you to decide if that is a rabbit hole you wish to explore.

Those treaties were why Boss coined his famous phrase “Trust, but verify.” I’m not saying that the Soviet Union (or later Russia) had a reputation for violating treaties of all sorts before the ink was dry, but I will say that they had (have) quite the reputation for developing some of the most interesting interpretations of various clauses in various treaties. So much so that the complexities of those interpretations twist things to the point the time-space continuum should have shattered.

What truly matters out of all of this for our 201 purposes is that right now as a result of these treaties the Russians are thought to have approximately 6,257 nuclear warheads with 1,458 ready to launch via missiles, bombers, etc. The U.S. is reported to have approximately 5,550 warheads with 1,389 ready to launch via missiles, bombers, etc. Three sites with information on all nuclear countries are here, here, and here.

The thing to keep in mind is that not all of these are strategic weapons. You have tactical devices and you have some specialized charges as well: shaped charges, atomic demolition munitions, and other oddities. We’ll get more into that soon enough.

Meantime, here’s a bit on how the Soviets used nuclear weapons to put out some oil field fires. Makes me wonder what Red Adair could have done with a few nukes…

Yes, there is a LOT more that we could cover today. Again, trying to keep it high level and point towards places (and topics) for exploration. Neat thing is, more and more keeps coming out about the early days, here and elsewhere, and it just adds more fascinating material to an already interesting field of study. We may well jump back into some of this as Nuclear 201 continues. For now, however, this gives you enough overview to understand what is to come.

SOME PREVIOUS POSTS:

Nuclear 101 Posts In Order:

Nuclear What?

Nuclear 101: Weapons

Nuclear 101: Delivery

Nuclear 101: Now What?

Nuclear 101: Targeting

Nuclear 101: Scenarios

Nuclear 101: Survival

Some Quick Thoughts

*****

Russia/Ukraine Posts:

Vladimir And The Ukraine

Answers, Ramblings, And A Bit More On Vladimir And The Ukraine

Your Must Read For The Day On Russia

The Puzzles In Play, And The Missing Pieces

Quick Thoughts On Ukraine/Putin

The Thing Behind The Curtain

Missing Pieces And Surprise Pieces

Accuracy, Reliability, And More

Putin, Trump, And The Coming Storm

Three Futures For Russia

Quick Thoughts

Saturday Update

Mismatched Locomotives

War, Ag, Demographics, And The Worst Is Yet To Come

Past, Present, And A Hungry Future

Huge Grain Of Salt

The Moskva

Retribution Inbound

Uncertainty And Preparation

Honest Question

Monday Morning Quick Brief

War Of The Memes

A Little Free Ice Cream

Rumors Of War

Three Times Is…

If It’s Wednesday, This Must Be Moldova

Going Nuclear

How To Spy On The Russians

Here’s Hoping I’m Wrong

Pins And Needles Time

Mock Away

Intel Wars

The Revenge Of HUMINT

A Funny Thing Happened

Rumors of Rumors

Ukraine, Uvalde, Oh My

Very Interesting

A Quick Russia/Ukraine Update

Russia/Ukraine/Lithuania

Hmmmm

Hmmmm Follow-Up

Ukraine/Russia Tidbit

If You Think

Couple Of Quick Thoughts

*****

Couple of Quick Thoughts

Though I’m not feeling great, hoping this is the first of two posts today. With luck, I will get up the first Nuclear 201 post later today. Two quick things to keep in mind when getting the news today.

First, when you see stories like this one, take them with several grains of salt. The source for this story is a single-source opposition Telegram channel. Such can be useful for intel, but they are heavily biased and, like this one, don’t have the greatest track record for accuracy. Sure, they do get some things right but they also have a vested interest in painting that which they oppose with the darkest brush possible.

As to their points, I do think Vladimir came face-to-face with his own mortality 3-5 years ago. How, I’m not sure: it could be illness or other close call. I will say that he is not the man he was, and is very much off his game. Is he vacillating on nuclear or other special weapons? Unsure, though it appears various factions in the Kremlin and out are pushing for a variety of options including tactical and strategic nuclear weapons. How seriously anyone is taking that is the real question. The magic 8-Ball says ask again later.

I am finding the assassination of Darya Dugina to be extremely interesting. Others are coming around to my take that she was indeed the target, though I strongly suspect there were have been some joy and rejoicing had both she and her father been taken out. For those who don’t know, her father is Alexandr Dugin, who is often ascribed in the West of being “Putin’s Brain,” “Putin’s Rasputin,” or just Putin’s philosopher. It should be noted that such tropes are more a thing of the West and not of Russia.

Both have played up the Putin connection, particularly in the West. She, in fact, has been trying to coordinate bringing together various factions in Russia as well as reaching out to various socialist and far-right groups in the West. This type of empire building is expected to some extent, and it brings up financial incentives as well as power plays — both of which are potential reasons for her elimination.

Her father is indeed an ultra-nationalist, by Western standards fascist (and that may be a bit of understatement), and one of the cast-of-thousands who had input into the creation of Russkiy Mir. I would posit that a certain other (thankfully dead) philosopher had more of a role in some respects, but that may be an angels on the head of a pin argument. Dugin may or may not be a part of Vladimir’s truly inner circle, though there is some reason to believe he really isn’t part of the ultimate insider’s group.

With the bomb being powerful and under the driver’s seat — her seat — and given some other factors, I think she was the target. Again, if it had gotten both of them I suspect no one behind this would have objected. Now, the question gets really interesting: who was behind it? Vladimir has been cleaning house in some respects, as the Gazprom “suicides” show. When people begin talking to those they shouldn’t, bad things happen and a “kill them all” approach is the most likely. Was she talking to people she shouldn’t? Did she perhaps engage in a bit of Vladimir-is-failing-we-need-to-save-Russia and word get back?

Did some of the Western groups with whom she had been in contact, and who may have been involved in financial dealings despite sanctions, feel ripped off? Or decide she was a loose end who needed to be taken care of before she could reveal anything in the West? Did some of the groups inside Russia decide to take her out in a power play? Did a Kremlin faction see a chance to deprive Putin of an ally in the power struggle to come? Yes, yes, I think the first stages are underway, but the real fight is yet to come.

All valid and good questions, and right now there are no good or definitive answers. Along with the reports that someone high-up is talking to the West and trying to find a way out of the Ukraine debacle (again, take with a grain or several of salt), there may be as much speculation going on inside the Kremlin and Russia as there is in the West. For all that comes up on social media in Russia, there is caution and one would love to be a fly on the wall for some of the private conversations that are taking place.

Oh, before I forget, there will be a LOT of finger-pointing at the Ukraine over this. Russia does not want to admit to this being an internal affair, and it also is a chance to unite the people for the war effort. This is believable to a number of factions as Russia had quietly blamed the British for helping Ukrainian SF conduct missions well behind the lines. In fact, early on, there were several instances where various plants and refineries had “accidents” — some well east of Moscow even — that some in the Kremlin put down to such cooperation. Add to it the fact that the Brits were onboard with helping the Ukraine literally months before the invasion and MOD and other Intel had the situation right (unlike pretty much all US intel operations), and there is a reason the Russians were so (irrationally) mad at the Brits and threatening to nuke them. So, even as fingers point at the Ukraine, don’t be surprised if the Brits have a finger pointed at them too.

Just a few thoughts to start a Monday morning. Hopefully, more to come later today.

Some Previous Posts:

Vladimir And The Ukraine

Answers, Ramblings, And A Bit More On Vladimir And The Ukraine

Your Must Read For The Day On Russia

The Puzzles In Play, And The Missing Pieces

Quick Thoughts On Ukraine/Putin

The Thing Behind The Curtain

Missing Pieces And Surprise Pieces

Accuracy, Reliability, And More

Putin, Trump, And The Coming Storm

Three Futures For Russia

Quick Thoughts

Saturday Update

Mismatched Locomotives

War, Ag, Demographics, And The Worst Is Yet To Come

Past, Present, And A Hungry Future

Huge Grain Of Salt

The Moskva

Retribution Inbound

Uncertainty And Preparation

Honest Question

Monday Morning Quick Brief

War Of The Memes

A Little Free Ice Cream

Rumors Of War

Three Times Is…

If It’s Wednesday, This Must Be Moldova

Going Nuclear

How To Spy On The Russians

Here’s Hoping I’m Wrong

Pins And Needles Time

Mock Away

Intel Wars

The Revenge Of HUMINT

A Funny Thing Happened

Rumors of Rumors

Ukraine, Uvalde, Oh My

Very Interesting

A Quick Russia/Ukraine Update

Russia/Ukraine/Lithuania

Hmmmm

Hmmmm Follow-Up

Ukraine/Russia Tidbit

If You Think

*****

Nuclear War Posts In Order:

Nuclear What?

Nuclear 101: Weapons

Nuclear 101: Delivery

Nuclear 101: Now What?

Nuclear 101: Targeting

Nuclear 101: Scenarios

Nuclear 101: Survival

Some Quick Thoughts

*****

Update: TTC

First up, sorry for yesterday. You couldn’t reach my site, I couldn’t reach my site, and I couldn’t even log into the appropriate site to report the problem. As noted before, my current provider Dreamhost sucks. I appreciate the suggestions I’ve gotten, and am at the point I think it may be worth giving up buying groceries for a few weeks to go ahead and switch to a competent and effective provider. Need to lose weight anyway. FYI, got an e-mail last night from then, telling me how to change the password on my webmail, which honestly was the only part of their service that did work yesterday and was not a topic of discussion. Love that competence and reading comprehension!

The plan is to start Nuclear 201 next week. I’m reaching out to some people to solicit inputs, guest posts, and such. We will probably start with some history, as far too many don’t know it and you need to know at least some to understand current discussions. For example, a callow person complained on social media recently how whenever anyone talked escalation in the Russia-Ukraine war that it automatically went to nuclear without considering chemical, biological, or tactical nukes! The historical ignorance of that (and of current U.S. policy) is breathtaking, and one of several topics that we need to get into so that people have a realistic understanding of policies, doctrine, and more. After all, how can you truly screw things up now if you don’t know how they screwed them up before?

My plan is to keep it on a high level, though more in depth than the last time. First, I don’t want to scare off readers who are not familiar with concepts, science, etc. In fact, I want to hook them and reel them in. So, my approach remains to keep it accurate but not too in the weeds. Honestly, I modeling this on in many respects on science education, particularly physics education. You don’t start first graders out on quantum physics. You start with basic information, then each time you take it up a bit more. You can also provide a means for those students who get it to dive in deeper. As a physicist explained it to me one time, you teach basics even though you know portions of it are technically incorrect on some levels. The point is, make it understandable. Even though on some levels it is incorrect, it also forms a basis for understanding that next level and eventually moving up to a truer understanding.

On some levels, I hate the need for these discussions. Honestly, I had hoped a lot of this was in my past, not my future. My thoughts on how we got here and the opportunities lost are close to being unprintable. Putting that aside, people need to understand the thoughts, theories, and reality of nuclear war, and nuclear weapon and war policy, if we are to have a good chance of navigating the next few years without something stupid being done. Because, the fact is almost every stupid decision comes from ignorance, and, to some extent, bias if not bigotry. Nor do such screw-ups happen in isolation. The mistaken idea that everyone thinks as we do (mores, aka cultural blinders) is at the heart of that bias and bigotry on all sides.

For all that I hope for some knowledge and sanity to prevail, I also adamantly believe in preparing for Murphy’s inevitable appearance and dealing honestly with the Toddler Law of Governments. Keep in mind that in a crisis, the Good Idea Fairy also often shows up with the best of intentions and at the worst possible moment. Dealing with/preventing that means sharing knowledge and the means to acquire more on the subject. It also very much means sharing knowledge and ideas on surviving if any of the toddlers currently running the world stage do something stupid. Okay, more stupid than normal even for them.

I may even share a tale or two, both for educational purposes and to lighten the mood a bit. Sometimes, even in a dark event, a moment of unintended humor, if not hilarity, can shine forth. Also, I want to remind everyone that we’ve made it this far relatively intact. With knowledge, preparation, Devine guidance, and perhaps a bit of luck, we will continue to do so. Despair not that darkness looms. Light a candle and help drive it back.

*****

Things To Come?

Based on e-mail and a lone comment, looks like there is interest in a Nuclear 102 series along with some more on preparedness. I’m actually going to look into some possible guest posts for the former, will see. Meantime, I’m trying to push things along for my fundraiser as it is headed into the end of the month and I want out of here!

I would have loved to have moved months ago, but all the health issues kept that from happening. I do well most days, the coping mechanisms for the brain issues work well and it could be imagination but I swear I see/feel some progress in the healing. I don’t want to wait three years, I want to be good now! 🙂 So far, we have most everything under control as far as we can tell. Working to keep it that way. Please help me keep my head above water and get out of the hellhole that Indy has become.

Meantime, there is more to come besides Monday’s pun! May take a day or two to get the new series moving, but it will happen.

*****

Lite Day

The world is plowing along, and on some levels it’s quiet. There are a lot of things happening, but at least for today nothing earth shattering.

Rumors and more continue to bounce around the Kremlin, pretty much business as usual save for that one group that is still keeping quiet. Internal or external politics is the question on that, and the magic 8-ball says ask again tomorrow. This story may have rolled a verbal hand grenade into the room, but from what I’m seeing no one there seems terribly surprised at the story. As with a lot of stories, taking it with a huge grain of salt for now.

A number of things continue to puzzle me about all that is going on in Russia, and with it’s response to the West. Vladimir has, reportedly, kompromat on a number of Western politicians and leaders (as does Zelensky, again, reportedly). Yet, there has been no open use of it and RUMINT says no covert use. Surprising, as this is one more area where full use of existing “weapons” is not taking place.

Now, a question for you the reader: would you care to see a nuclear 102 series, more on preparedness, or something else? Honest question, though I am leaning towards doing more preparedness posts as a means of driving the book project forward. The sad fact is the majority of the public remains sadly ignorant on things like nuclear war, nuclear diplomacy, etc. Heck, it even extends to space as people talk about living and working in space, on the moon, and elsewhere without understanding the changes that will occur to human physiology in the process. Hmmmm. That may be a post later in the week.

So, let me know in the comments if you have a preference, and let’s see where life takes us.

*****

The Scene

Music plays, evocative of film noir, building as the camera pans across the tall buildings of a city at night, the clouds that have just finished a downpour casting it into black and white. The camera zooms in and down, into the shadows of an alley and a skinny figure garbed in a stained and worn cloth coat that falls down to his feet, with the collar up and a tweed flat cap pulled down as far over his face as possible

The figure moves in the deepest shadows, preventing the camera from showing his face. The movements are skittish, scared, and the figure’s head is constantly darting about, looking. As the camera pans on his movements down the alley, dodging puddles, the music fades and we hear the figure talking to itself in a tenor that is almost childlike.

“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault. It always was, I see that now. But, I’m going to get it right, I swear. I’ve done it, I wrote up all those plans and what went wrong. Where I went wrong.”

The figure moves on, always keeping to the shadows. His voice drops, muttering to himself, and we hear sniffling, almost like he’s crying. The voice rises again.

“Curse that Tom! That cat was just mean. There was no reason for him to kill you.”

The figure stops, straightens up, and adopts a level and reasonable tone as the camera pans around behind him, a door visible on the left further down the alley.

“I mean, it’s not like we meant for you to pop up right in front of him as he’s doing his thing. And, that mousey little fella with him was not help at all! Naaa, Na, nah, I’m not going say, I promised B I would never say that again.”

The figure stoops and begins to move again, the voice becoming childlike once again.

“But, this time, I’m going to get it right. I’m going to make it up to you because I miss you and that huge brain of yours. I’ve taken everything that worked and written it down. I’ve noted everything that didn’t work, and made sure it’s not part of the plan.”

The figure stops at the previously glimpsed doorway, carefully working a key into the lock and opening the door. The camera pans around to catch the silhouetted figure walking into the pitch black room. The door closes and the scene goes black.

“Yes Big B, I’m being careful. I know they want them. Your plans, our plans, the plan that this time will work and let us take over the world. But they will never have them. They will never…”

The light switch clicks and the camera has turned so that it shows shelves upon shelves full of binders carefully titled.

“ever get them, I promise.”

The camera then turns, and we see the figure for what it truly is. A tall, skinny white lab rat who’s eyes dart nervously around in a face that is clearly not all there. With the reveal, he finishes saying

“They will never get Pinky’s Binders!

*****

Thank You

If you have hit the tip jar, and not gotten a thank you, please do let me know! I try to get those out ASAP, but with my short term memory OH SHINEY! 🙂 I’m supposed to make lists of what I need to do, and what I’ve done, and they work well — when I remember to do them. So if you have hit the tip jar, or made a non-anonymous donation via the fundraiser, and not gotten a thank you let me know so I can take care of it. Meantime, thank you all so much for the prayers, encouragement, and help. It is all very much appreciated.

*****

The Hardest Part

Something came up on social media that I thought I would talk about today. I occasionally get questions, most often along the lines of ‘what was it like to get hit by lightning?’ Something new/different came up, and it’s actually some good food for thought: What’s been the hardest thing to deal with?

Believe it or not, it’s not everything that has happened cardiac-wise. Getting the BP under control was an overlong process and exasperating, but manageable. Being told ‘you have to have open heart surgery within the next two weeks and we really recommend tomorrow morning so you don’t die’ was interesting. Again, something to work through and I’ve done okay with it I think. Need to exercise more, but driving to malls to walk when the heat/humidity keeps me inside (per the docs) is no longer in the budget. Hopefully the worst of summer moderates soon.

Nor is it the cognitive/memory issues. A close second, admittedly, but something that can be and is being dealt with. Testing says I’m still above average in all major areas of cognition, though that was followed by the word I’ve come to dread hearing from any doctor: but. In this case ‘but there are some issues that will last for at least three years while your brain heals.’ I’ve said before, the long-term memory issues are like someone went into the room full of filing cabinets that is my long term memory, went to random filing cabinets, pulled out a drawer at random, and dumped it on the floor. Then the jerk cut on a fan. The short-term issues require me to use a number of coping strategies that are familiar to those with TBI.

The hardest thing to deal with has been the damage to my hearing. There is some hearing loss/increase in tinnitus in both ears. On my right side, which is where I took the hit, I’ve lost all of the higher frequency hearing and the nerves involved are dead. The loss of hearing and increase in tinnitus is a bit higher in that ear. I qualify for a hearing aid in that ear, but the doc and I want to wait a year and see what’s happening, maybe build a baseline, as no matter what we can’t restore what’s lost.

One of the largest problems is that things don’t sound the same. Normal noises in the house can take time to analyze before I know what they are. Sometimes, the brain is helpful (cough, cough) and tries to augment the sound which really makes it hard to identify. I flat out miss hearing some things, and where with two good ears (for my age and times around bangs and booms) I could figure out quickly and accurately from where a sound was originating, well, that’s gone.

It also sucks when it comes to music. I love music and enjoy listening to it. Yet, I’m missing a chunk of it now and can tell it. I still enjoy listening to music, but I really wish I could hear it fully once again. Thank goodness for headphones! They help, esp. with the noise cancelling taking out extraneous room/house sounds that can be a problem.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be alive and grateful the damage wasn’t worse! I continue to give thanks to God and the Blessed Mother for that. That said, I’d be something other than human if I didn’t admit that it’s not been a smoothly paved path. Reminds me a lot more of a high-country hike years ago that led through boulders, ravines, loose rock, and other delights. No one ever promised me it would be easy. I will say that the help, prayers, and other support that continues to come in has made a huge difference. It is that, and Faith, that keep me going and not terrified at the challenges ahead. For your part in that, thank you. Let’s all press on, and meet the challenges as they come.

*****

Something Different

Don’t know about you, but I could use a break from the super serious today. Nuclear war, the state of the Republic (no, we are NOT a democracy, thank goodness), and all else that is going on can get one down and/or raise BP to bad levels. So, something different.

I’ve always had interesting and vivid dreams. Last night, I swear I did NOT have Welsh rarebit for dinner. Yes, having eaten the real deal, I do subscribe to it giving strange/horrible/other dreams. Let’s just say that in my dreams last night my bathroom suddenly expanded to ten times its current size, began flooding, and the newborn ponies (!) turned into something else as the waters rose. Yeah. No idea. None.

While I didn’t have Welsh rarebit, what I did have last night was an amazing Murgh Makhani, better know to many as Butter Chicken.

The basic recipe is here, and was shared with me by an author and editor I know down in Chattanooga. It is a little involved, but well worth the time and effort. I will also get three to five meals out of it. My major mods to the recipe were: I used plain Greek yoghurt instead of regular, may choose regular next time just to try it; where it called for red chili powder I used a mix of chipotle and red pepper; and, where it called for salt I went 50/50 on Himalayan and hickory smoked salt. The pepper mix did kick the heat up somewhat but also helped add to the richness via the smokiness of the chipotle. This was enhanced by the smoked salt.

I also marinated the chicken for 48 hours instead of just overnight. Part of that was time issues and part was curiosity.

The result was a rich (do use the heavy cream) dish with layers of flavor, intense spice, and a nice level of heat. I used chicken thighs this time, but probably will use breast next time to try for more uniform-sized pieces. I do try to keep keto, but will recommend garlic naan with this dish, and basmati rice should work well too.

Enjoy!

*****