The Laughing Wolf

Originally, the reason for the upcoming pilgrimage was for spiritual development. By Orthodox standards, I am still very new to Orthodoxy. I started attending about three years ago, and have only formally been a member for a couple of years I think. On top of my memory playing tricks on me from the lightning strike, there are days like I feel that I’ve always been a part of this Church — and it feels good and reassuring that others also feel like I’ve been a part of it for far longer than I have.

That said, I want to draw further into faith, to explore deeper realms if you will. That’s also a reason I have begun taking courses at the seminary and am contemplating possibly going full time at some point if this current experiment proves I can handle the load (stupid lightning).

Then, something happened last year that was very unexpected. I won’t go into details, yet; but, I was asked if I would consider stepping up a bit more. I knew I wanted to do a bit more; but, this would be a BIT more.

Back when I was Catholic, I explored the possibility of the priesthood. I felt pulled in that direction in some ways. However, the diocese said I was too old. To be honest, I was a bit relieved as I am not sure I could have been the priest I would want/need to be in the current Roman Catholic Church.

Then came Orthodoxy and while I am theologically much more comfortable I’ve also had the chance to do a lot of thinking and prayer. Of late, I’ve been working through some things for myself, and thought I might share some thoughts on discernment with you. In this way, I lay out some of the issues I’ve been working through for both my own contemplation and for yours. Especially given a few interesting (and in once case ignorant) comment I caught over at Instapundit.

First, I am quite comfortable not knowing precisely where the path I’m on may lead. Contrary to chest thumpers and others, many people exploring the path of discernment are not positive of where they are headed. They may have a good idea, but a person truly on the path knows that the Lord will put them where they should be and are content to leave such up to him. They also are, usually, smart enough not to challenge the Lord.

There are two statements one should never make in real, guided discernment. The first is “I could never be or do X” and the second is along the lines of ‘The Lord would never do X or make me do X.’ Frankly, I view both statements as being akin to saying during a disaster ‘what else can go wrong.’ If you are foolish enough to utter these, you are quite likely to hear from on high words to the effect of “oh really?!?” and your life is going to get VERY interesting.

The thing is, the path I think I am on and for which I have been getting guidance, can have several outcomes. Let me run through some of them very quickly.

First up, the Priesthood. On many levels, this has come to terrify me. I’ve been pushed to become a preacher or priest since high school. I somehow new being a Methodist preacher was not right for me right at the start, and the same held true for the Episcopal Church when I joined it when I was a junior in high school. On some levels, I was quite relieved when when I became Catholic and the diocese said ‘too old’ as I knew that was not the right path for the right reasons on some level.

Being a Priest is an enormous responsibility. It’s not just that you have to have wisdom even more than knowledge; rather, it’s that you have to have empathy, compassion, understanding, patience, and many other positive aspects. You are fully responsible for the souls of others, and if you are not doing it for the right reasons and at the right time, you can not only mess them up but damn your own soul in the process.. You have to be doing it for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way for their sake as well as yours.

Me, I’m living proof that God can work with and forgive anyone. There is no sin we can commit that God can’t forgive if we truly repent. That said, to approach the Priesthood requires us to be doing the right thing, in the right way, and at the right time — or else. I’m very much afraid not only of doing something wrong; but, that my own flaws would prevent me from being what I need to be. I’m fully prepared to face judgement for my own mistakes. That I may have in the past, or in the future, lead others astray or simply not lead properly to their detriment is more terrifying than anything I have ever done.

A second outcome of the path I think I am on is the Deaconate. Deacons and Sub-Deacons are the backbone of a traditional Church. While their role is diminished in some respects in comparison to the Priesthood (a discussion for another day), they are an integral part of the Liturgy and the life of the Church. For all that they bear a lot of responsibility, they also don’t have the same crushing responsibilities as the Priesthood. Close, but not the same. And while they do have pastoral duties, they are not on the same level as that of the Priest.

A third possible outcome is monastic life. I really should do a fuller discussion one day soon; but, while monastics need a fair bit of knowledge, they do not have to be priests or even deacons as they have a very different role. I have a good friend who is preparing to commit to monastic life in the next few years. It is the right thing for him, I think; but, my health and other considerations seem to preclude monastic life as a consideration for me.

A fourth possible outcome is really two that I will lump together. There are some academic and administrative roles in the Church that require a great deal of knowledge and coursework and/or degrees or certificates from seminaries. I can see either role as a possibility for all that I have come to despise various aspects of politics — which would be part and parcel of such positions and work.

Now, I think I know where I am headed. That said, the path of discernment is not a path of our desires or our will. Anyone who says you should know your desire and push towards it is not to be trusted on anything. The path of discernment requires you to lay aside your desires, your goals, and your will and submit fully and completely to the Lord and his will.

It is entirely possible that the Lord may have something else entirely in mind for me than what I have outlined above. For all that I think I know where I am headed, that may not be his Will. Part of what I hope to gain from this upcoming pilgrimage is to better understand his Will for my path. I don’t expect final answers; rather, I do expect to have clearer guidance on both my personal spiritual journey and as to the path I think I am on. That path may be the real path, or I may be shown a different path or a different route or branch to the one I think I am following.

Thing is, I want to open myself up to the possibilities, to the guidance, and a better discernment of his Will rather than my own. My own will tends towards lazy and comfortable. Let’s say that I have a strong suspicion that comfortable and lazy are not the ways of the Lord. Coasting and letting by to get by were not his ways during his Incarnation and I doubt that has changed. In fact, I know it has not.

So, I will cast myself upon the waters. My goal is to learn more about my Faith and my Church; to deepen my Faith and practice through that; and, to see where I may (or may not) be pointed or guided in the process. While the practicalities are exciting (and fun even), the spiritual aspects are a bit scary and daunting. Especially as I am offering myself up to the Lord to do with as he will.

We will see what happens. I will be sharing the normal, the fun, and as much of the journey itself as I can. Where I can, I hope to share more, including insights. Stay tuned, more is to come.

Please check out my Winter 26 Bleg!

If you would like to help me with this trip, seminary courses, and more, feel free to hit the fundraiser at A New Life on GiveSendGo, use the options in the Tip Jar in the upper right, or drop me a line to discuss other methods. I’ve added Cash App ($CliffPow7) and Venmo (@Clifford-Powers-5). There is also the Amazon Wish List in the Bard’s Jar. Getting hit by lightning is not fun! It is thanks to your gifts and prayers that I am still going. Thank you.

I have not gotten nearly enough done on the midterm exam today, as other things kept popping up. Had to run down to the Church for a little bit, which was a delight as I got to meet a new family I’ve seen a few times but not gotten to meet. Two boys, who have hit it off with our Priests sons; and, a daughter who swings between joining in with the younger kids and then with the older. All are very well behaved and have sharp minds. Was great to get to know them and their mother a bit better. Good thoughts for her please, she has her hands full. 🙂

I thought I might share some prayers real quick that I’ve been finding particularly helpful. First up, based in part on a wonderful talk by a bishop a few months ago, a prayer I try to say any time I get into the car: “Lord, let my inner light and my heart show forth to the world, and nothing else.” I was originally a little more blunt and said ‘no other part of my anatomy’ but thought some additional refinement was a good thing.

Second, I had to admit to my Priest and Deacon today that the prayer I’ve probably said most (and most sincerely) in my life was: “Lord, please don’t let me screw this up.” I admitted this in conjunction with a possible opportunity that has come up on the upcoming pilgrimage. If it does happen, will be sharing with you as far in advance as I can. Might check in next week once things are underway.

Third, think I’ve gotten my Priest into one of my prayers on life and preparedness: Plan for the worst, pray for the best, accept what comes. I’ve found it to be a very good way to approach life and all facets of life over the years.

Headed to bed soon, as have to get a bunch done tomorrow as well as much more on the midterm. So, early to rise it is and I will post as I can. More soon.

Please check out my Winter 26 Bleg!

If you would like to help me with this pilgrimage seminary courses, and more, feel free to hit the fundraiser at A New Life on GiveSendGo, use the options in the Tip Jar in the upper right, or drop me a line to discuss other methods. I’ve added Cash App ($CliffPow7) and Venmo (@Clifford-Powers-5). There is also the Amazon Wish List in the Bard’s Jar. Getting hit by lightning is not fun! It is thanks to your gifts and prayers that I am still going. Thank you.

I’ve heard of this before, though I’ve never heard this name for it (that I remember). I saw someone talking about it on X this morning, as I was hearing from a friend about some travel travails he is having.

The theory holds that God sometimes lets ‘bad’ things happen to us to prevent a greater harm. In the version put forth this morning, someone burns their toast, which sets off a chain of events that results in them missing the bus/train/whatever to work. As a result, they are late or miss the day entirely. Sounds like a bad day, right? However, by missing the bus/train/whatever, or having to take a different route, they miss having an accident/being in an accident and being badly hurt or killed.

For all that it doesn’t take into account free will (an important point), it is a cute and quite possibly valid concept. There have been plenty of times I’ve gone ‘Whew! Glad I didn’t go that route’ when driving/traveling. It is always a good thought to think that there is a reason things happened when we hit delays, detours, and such. It’s even more important to consider such when such things happen on our spiritual journey and see things not as a setback, delay, or detour in regards how and where we think we should go. After all, it’s not our will that should be the lead.

My friend will make it home in due time, and he may be avoiding something worse or — an important point to consider — he may experience something needful for his growth and development. That is a point most versions of the ‘Burnt Toast’ theory I’ve seen over the years have missed. It’s not always about avoiding a danger, but about recognizing and accepting an opportunity for growth.

Just some food for thought this morning. Posting may be a bit spotty, I have midterms this week on top of a host of other things. I’m just thankful it wasn’t last week as there would have been no way…

More soon.

Please check out my Winter 26 Bleg!

If you would like to help me with my Spring 26 pilgrimage, seminary courses, and more, feel free to hit the fundraiser at A New Life on GiveSendGo, use the options in the Tip Jar in the upper right, or drop me a line to discuss other methods. I’ve added Cash App ($CliffPow7) and Venmo (@Clifford-Powers-5). There is also the Amazon Wish List in the Bard’s Jar. Getting hit by lightning is not fun! It is thanks to your gifts and prayers that I am still going. Thank you.

For the Orthodox and a few others, today is Pascha,the Resurrection of the Lord. Pascha means Passover, and it was the term used in the early Church to describe Christ’s passing into death and Resurrection as the penultimate Passover, as by so doing he trampled down death by death.

I’m going to steal a bit from my X post as I’m running on about four hours sleep in the last 24 hours. For all that I am conscious, I am not awake.

Orthodoxy celebrates Pascha as a moveable feast, while the Roman Catholic Church, and through it most Protestant Churches, have made it a fixed feast as it is supposed to make life easier. Arguments can be made for both ways, but I will say that keeping it moveable allows Christ’s death and resurrection to be celebrated as close to the actual anniversary as possible.

Historic records and early Christian tradition place the Crucifixion as taking place on 14 Nissan of the Jewish Calendar, which was March 25 on the Roman (Julian) calendar in use at the time. Which is also why Christmas is celebrated on 25 December as the Passion and Death is considered the theological precipitating event for the Birth of Christ. It is worth noting that the Annunciation, the conception of Christ, also takes place around the same time.

Today, the date for Orthodox Pascha is calculated based off several factors including the lunar calendar. As a result, most years there is a difference between Orthodox and Roman Catholic dates; but, sometimes they are the same (like last year).

It has been a LONG week and a half of services and more. If you want bright eyed and bushy tailed, go find a squirrel. 🙂

Aside from the midnight service this morning (which for me started about 7pm Saturday), the highlight was the baptism of 27 converts to Orthodoxy Saturday morning. I’m honored to be the sponsor/Godfather to one of them, a young Navy vet. Traditional Churches have seen a large influx of people interested in learning about traditional Christianity, and ours is no exception. At pretty much every service these days it is not unusual to see one or more first time visitors. Not just first time to our Church, but to an Orthodox Church — and sometimes their first visit to a Christian church. What is heartening is how many keep coming back.

There is something rather profound going on not just in America, but in the West in general. Quite a few of those coming to visit are young, as in mid- to late-teens and early twenties. There is also a percentage of older who are returning to Christianity. All the groups are looking for something that I can only describe as values. They have heard of, or experienced, faith without foundations, flitting around to the latest social causes and trends. Such faith is that of Birnam Wood, having no roots or foundation in Christ. Or, if Shakespeare is not to your taste, think of Dante’s shifters for such places of worship.

The good John Donovan, former proprietor of the Castle, turned me onto some writing by another that I want to cover soon. I’m actually not only re-reading the post he sent, but the posts that preceded it. I think he is right as it applies to his joining the Catholic Church and my embrace of Orthodoxy: We do it not because it is easy, or that we thought it would be easy; rather, we chose it because it is NOT easy and demands the best of us.

These new converts have seen what comes of always doing the easy thing. They understand that doing the right thing (in almost any context) is almost never easy. As such, they have started as inquirers, then after a time applied to become catechumens, worked through that process, and then those who made it through that are baptised into the Faith. It rarely is a quick process, and even then never easy. My own conversion was hurried a bit (6-8 month process as opposed to a year) as I was facing the prospect of yet more open heart surgery: surgery that didn’t happen as after my Baptism my heart was found to be completely healed from damage caused by the lightning strike. If you are wondering why I’m on the path I seem to be on…

The baptismal service was a bit long this year. For all that some of the readings and such were done (semi-quietly) as the baptisms were done, it still ran about four hours I think.

First, the cats, er, catechumens, were herded to the appropriate spot with their sponsors. I should also mention that we pretty much had to have a substitute choir to chant and sing as our music director and two or three of the rest of us (we are a small choir) were sponsors/Godparents and not available for our normal duties.

Once in place, there were the preparatory prayers for each catechumen. Then came the anointing with oil, that is applied to ten locations (12? Brain not working) on the person with corresponding prayer. Then comes the baptism by water, with three full immersions. A couple of the toddlers were not happy about that (not unexpected), but it was delightful watching the somewhat older children eagerly participate. I found out one young man of seven had not only installed a countdown app on his phone and programmed it for the start of the event, but had even slept on the floor of his room with his head against the door so that he would wake up as soon as someone started to open it.

Once dried off (mostly) and in their baptismal robes, the participants are then Chrismated. Following that, there is a procession (hey, processions are a part of the Orthodox DNA even if we don’t get to march all over Constantinople these days) which leads them up towards the altar so that they can participate fully in the liturgy that follows. As part of that, they partake of the Eucharist for the first time. Interesting thing is that they are required to wear their robes any time they are in the Church for the next 40 days. As part of that, they are to go first at many events, from venerations to partaking of the Eucharist. At the end of the service, the Chrismation is wiped off (in the earliest days of the Church, the person spent a week in the Church and only then was it removed).

With 27 to be baptized, it took a while. For me, sitting (well, standing mostly as Orthodox tradition is to stand for most of the service) with my Godson and some of his family, it was a delight to actually experience the Liturgy. When you are as involved as we are as chanters, you are focused on doing things right, what comes next, how do we handle X, etc. To experience the service as a regular participant was a needed reminder and delight.

Our midnight service uses a very old hymn rather extensively and I will leave you today with it and hope you enjoy it and it moves you. It is sung rather, er, energetically, if not in a martial manner, as well as joyously.

In the ancient Greek:

Χριστὸς Ἀνέστη ἐκ νεκρῶν
θανάτῳ θάνατον πατήσας
καὶ τοῖς ἐν τοῖς μνήμασι
ζωὴν χαρισάμενος.

In English:

Christ is risen from the dead,
trampling down death by death,
and upon those in the tombs
bestowing life.

In Church Slavonic:

Хрⷭ҇то́съ воскр҃се и҆з̾ ме́ртвыхъ,
сме́ртїю сме́рть попра́въ,
и҆ сꙋ̑щимъ во гробѣ́хъ
живо́тъ дарова́въ.

I wish you a Blessed and Wonderful Pascha!

Tomorrow is Palm Sunday for Orthodox Christians. Today we had Liturgy and then Church cleaning and projects day. The flower team outdid themselves.