I really do need to do a post about my Godfather soon, but right now I’m fried. Not going to lie or try to hide it. I’ve been at the Church almost non-stop since his repose. In the Orthodox Church, when a priest dies, they lie in state at the Church and to honor their teaching of the Gospel, the Gospel (books of the New Testament) and the Psalter (the Psalms) are read over them 24-7 until around the time of the formal funeral.
Took some of the night shifts and was also involved in various other services. Didn’t get a lot of sleep since last Thursday, wasn’t really hungry so did just one small meal a day, and knew I was not alone. As I noted before, a Bishop came to conduct his funeral, and more than a dozen other priests showed up as well. I think there were 10-12 priests involved with the service, and a lot of others were there but just no room or way for them to participate.
Not all of them were from our branch of Orthodoxy either, which tells you a lot about him right there. For all I wasn’t surprised, it was a bit staggering to find out how many people flew in from across the country to see him off. I didn’t have the time to do a proper count, but it looked like more than 200 of his closest friends came to pay last respects. Our little Church was standing room only and packed.
This morning, several of us took him out of the Church and put him into a funeral van to be driven to his final resting place in Missouri. His family was traveling with him (our priests can marry) and in a few hours he will be interred at a monastery in Missouri. In a few weeks, several of us are looking at going and spending some time there.
I’ve made some decisions, but more on that later. Right now, I’m exhausted, sad, happy, and a few other things. Still feels like a gut punch, but when seasoned priests choke up during the proceedings it pretty much says it all. Then again, to go peacefully in one’s sleep is a good ending in my book. I miss him. I will miss him. I am so very, very glad he was a part of my life. I can’t wait to share more of you with him. I wish each of you could have met him, as he had wit and a great sense of humor; an amazing intellect and more importantly a curiosity; and, a way about him that made everyone at home around him.
It is going to be hard for so many. Many grew up with him as their Priest, their Confessor, their friend. He was my Confessor and a good one. I can’t say how hard that is going to be on so many, as a Confessor just doesn’t hear your sins, they help you to grow so you don’t do the same sins again. A sub-Deacon at another Church and I had a great talk during all this about how good it was to have a Confessor who had extensive experience in the “real” world as well as simple lived life experience. Add in things like studying psychology and such, and you had someone who could and would truly help you grow. No offense against my Priest, but he is young. I am old and steeped in sin. I need someone with a lot more life experience to help me.
Too long, too much, too maudlin. May your week be blessed, and more regular posting will resume soon. After I catch up on some sleep and get my emotional feet back under me. Be good, be safe, keep your family and friends close, and your things where you can find them in the dark.
Much love to you, my brother. I humbly ask God to pour out his peace upon you, that you will get good rest and be refreshed. I’ve always been told to avoid making any significant life decisions for a few months after you’ve experienced deep grief like this. Spend time reading the Word and asking God to show you something about Himself every day in the Word. He absolutely will grant more faith when you ask for it.
And in the meantime… sleep. Eat good food. And do the next right thing, whatever that may be.
You are loved.
Thank you so much my sister! I am doing my best to rest, and am going to try to take it easy today as much as I can as well. As for the decision, it really was a matter of realizing I was already walking a path, and that I need to walk it with a bit more awareness. There are several possible endings to the path, and I realized I am content to see where my path leads and with any of the endings.