Category: Humor

A Proclamation From His Majesty’s Governor Northam

His Majesty’s Governor Northam, Duke of Blackface, and by consent of His Majesty the Governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia hereby issues this proclamation to the commoners of the Commonwealth.

For far too long, things have been allowed that all right-thinking subjects should have abhorred and repudiated. We, your intellectual, moral, and social superiors are now working most diligently to rectify the terrible oversights allowed by previous Governors and Governments.

As such, many additional legislations to control the weapons owned or to be owned by you, the peasantry, are now in work and progressing to my desk where I will sign them into law. These laws are for your benefit, as they will allow you to be more easily governed and your safety secured by the State.

It is most distressing, however, that you continue to resist these needed and benign efforts on your behalf. The nicknames of “Racist Ralph” and the low-class chatter of “Rectum Ralph” are most distressing to the finely tuned minds such as my own. How dare you have the temerity to continue to resist the actions of your betters, which are only in your best interest since we know far better than you what is best for you.

Accordingly, I am pleased to proclaim that His Majesty’s loyal subject Bourne, the Duke of Felching, has introduced into the assembly House Bill 1627 to outlaw all mockery, threats, or other hurtful words against any Governor, Governor-elect, or other leaders of this Commonwealth. I expect this bill to press on forthwith and reach my desk as expeditiously as possible so that we can heal the wounds of this Commonwealth by jailing and/or fining anyone who dares mock my most noble personage.

My Personal Defcon Listing

In a previous post on the coronavirus I made reference to going from concerned to worried. My mind, not working like most people’s, remembered the excellent comedy piece on other nations alert status that was allegedly done by John Cleese. With that, I realized I did have my own version.

DEFCON 5: The Dude Abides All is right and good in the world, pull up a chair, sit down, have a beverage of your choice and light up a cigar/pipe/whatever. Chill dude, all is good.

DEFCON 4: Sit Up Something is going on, time to sit up, pay attention, and perhaps even make some contingency plans.

What’s going on over there?

DEFCON 3: Really?!? Are you really trying to pull that? Are you going to make me dig into things, respond to things, and/or otherwise take action?

Really dude?

DEFCON 2: A Bit Miffed Well above peeved, I’m alert, ready, and will take what actions are required though I will do what I can to de-escalate things if I can and if it is the right thing to do.

Defcon 1: Welcome To Scotland.

It’s on. I can make it as personal as the above, or we can go larger scale if needed.

Thought I would share a bit of humor (such as it is) today as I think we all could use a bit of a laugh.

One Fun and One Interesting Link

It’s hump day, so decided a little humor is needed.

I’m not saying some hypothetical discussions took place about 35 years ago along this same track. I am simply going to say, ‘It is satire, isn’t it?” Really would be a good way to mess up potential or actual enemies, now wouldn’t it.

Back in high school physics, we had some interesting discussions and debates about FTL. If you read both the theory and the special theory, FTL can’t be done in space normal, hence hyperspace or similar terms. There is no reason such isn’t possible outside space normal. A possible way to get out of space normal may be possible, and it is now getting some attention.

Enjoy your Wednesday, be safe. More soon.

A Laugh for the Day

Cheerfully stolen from Rodger:

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?
“1955, ma’am.”
“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”